I wish I had more time to blog and get my thoughts out to release a little stress. But anyway, I hope those of you who reads my blog do not mind my little pity party/ rant… I do not know how to word this.
These past two or three weeks have been kind of rough. School is stressful (what is new?), and on top of that I a little bit of unwanted sadness tends to come around and messes up my happiness. I usually love being around a lot of people at once but now I like being by myself a lot more. It gives me time to be to think and be able to focus on what the problem really is. One thing I hate doing it telling people I am fine when really I want to start screaming and crying to get it all out. But I don’t and say that I am okay to avoid having to talk about it. Lately I haven’t been myself and anything upset me right about now.
Another thing is I really do not like when people lie to me… I mean who does? Even if you think that it is going to upset me I rather know anyway. Because if I find out any other way, I will start losing trust in them and eventually all the trust is gone. I know we all tell little lies, but when its something big I rather tell that person upfront and I would want the same from someone else.
I take friendship really serious… I cherish my close friends as though they are my real family. I really want to keep going on with this subject but I rather not because if they read this they know exactly what I am talking about, no need to throw it on the web.
I wish I could be happy all the time like I used to. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy and I love smiling and laughing all the time; but I think this is the time where people should know that I am not always happy and that should be okay. I wish I could just come out and say what I really feel, but if people like seeing me happy, I will continue to keep a smile on my face. I guess that is lying? Am I contradicting myself? These are the moments when I have to stop and question myself…
I love my faith, and I am getting deeper and deeper into it. Especially here lately. I love knowing I have a God I can call on when I need Him. He knows my heart and I know He is keeping me sane and giving me the strength to keep going everyday, and fight through all that is thrown my way. I know I could do better and every day I continue to want to better. Even if I slip up; I know He still has my hand through all of this. (For those who are not religious and read this, not trying to force my religion on you. Just something I wanted to write down for myself)
I think that is all I have. I wrote more than I though was on my heart. I want to say that no matter what I have been going through lately, I know this is only the beginning and I will have bigger storms to face as I get older. And I am physically, mentally, and spiritually preparing myself for it all. Have a great night/day depending on where you are reading this. My time on this thing is always wrong but it is 8:57 pm here… Goodnight!